To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
1. if you don’t like your name don’t use it
2. scream at the sky, whisper secrets to the ocean, hold hands with clouds. the world is yours if you want it to be
3. do things that make you nervous and let the feeling consume you until you feel scared and alive and want to throw up
4. don’t worry about falling in love
5. pick flowers whenever you see them and leave them wherever you go
6. kiss all the things that make you happy and all the things that make you sad, kiss everything that makes you feel anything
7. weave stars into your clothes and always remember that you came from them and will go back to them again someday
8. never empty your pockets
9. light dead flowers on fire when you’re feeling sad, let their smell fill your lungs and make you forget about life
10. diet coca cola will make your head spin and your throat burn, drink it when you’re feeling like things are going to get bad
11. if a boy with pretty eyes asks you who you are, show him your scars and your freckles and your bruises and let him know that you are alive
12. the best people have electricity running through their veins and around their hearts, let them shock you
13. forget how old you are, it does not matter
14. if something or someone makes you want to run then do it, run until your legs go numb and your heart is about to explode and you forget how to breathe
15. when the world is asleep make the night your friend and you will become invincible
16. get lost in another city and don’t ask for directions
17. cry if you want to, but try not to drown in your tears
18. do not be afraid of the sight of blood or the sound of bones snapping or the smell of hospital beds
19. race the moon while you’re driving until you’re going faster than the speed of light
20. never sit still
To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a problem.
I get it, you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something or connect you to doing something that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.
And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right?
So fine. If all those arguments aren’t going anything for you, let me tell you this. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and you don’t see the harm, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.
Because this is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down-
6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act.
6% of Penny Arcade’s target demographic will admit to actually being rapists when asked.
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, really cool guy, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.
But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.
You. The rapist’s comrade.
And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore…
Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.